It still hurts…

Am upset. Lost a baby in the pediatric ICU today. Another victim of the dengue epidemic. No matter how much we all tried, the baby couldn’t be saved. She was perfectly fine last night. The platelets had plummeted by morning and then by mid-afternoon, shewent into shock. The baseline ECG came as a straight line, still we tried cardioversion, CPR hoping that a miracle would happen.

It’s too painful, that even a year later, the whole episode will remain etched in your mind. You will remember every scene even the tiniest detail to the dot. This is not the first time, I am seeing death; but each time a patient dies; something goes off in me. Death is indeed a significant part of life, but losing someone, anyone is painful.

Being in my profession, we medical personnel – doctors and nurses; declare death often; but inside it’s a nightmare. Sometimes, you are so helpless, that death is inevitable but still nightmares follow and you are taunted by the thoughts of “what if…”   You know it’s not anyone’s fault but it’s life. You wish that you had to never deal with death on a regular basis. You pray and hope that it never happens again. And if it does, you silently offer a prayer for courage, leaving everything in His hands. These are some things that time can never help you cope with  and these memories will stay for your entire lifetime.

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About ....the little thread of thoughts

through five yrs of med school, and now taking a 2 yr break before post-grad working in mission hosp in India; 'm one of ur norm' everyday ppl. Nothing dramatic goin' on in my life, but it's not so quiet either. Just "a lot of happenings". So, hi there n Have a great day :) View all posts by ....the little thread of thoughts

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