03 hrs, IST. No point in tossing and turning over in bed. Looks like it’s going to be one of those nights. Wherein I am tired but I simply can’t sleep. Can’t even sit still. Maybe it’s what only the occasional insomniacs can relate to. My brain is still functioning normal. And a week of continuous calls looms ahead, starting tomorrow. The mind knows that it needs to get some rest, but somehow the body still thinks it’s on day mode.
Insomnia. Rather occasional sleepless nights. Tell me about it. My sleep-clock had gone hay-wire since mid of my med-school days. Endless calls, irregular sleep cycles. Most of the time, I have learnt to compress a nights’ sleep in twenty min or an hour or two. Agreed, it’s totally unhealthy, but someone’s got to keep an eye on the ward, finish all the reports and go through the books as well.
The funny fact is that, on some days, even without my midnight cuppa, I can still stay up late till dawn. Yet on other days, post-cuppa, I would still be hitting the bed an hour later. To combat this till I finish my post-graduate studies, what I have figured out is; if my eyes enter the shut down phase and my gray cells go into hibernation, kill the alarms and sleep. Or else keep functioning , till sleep claims me over. Usually in a couple of days, my sleep cycle reverts to normal, but till then, I have to survive. So into this bout of an insomniac night, I figured out that the networks might keep me busy for some time.
Reflecting on the week that went by, was in the town this time. Busy schedule, mostly to do with a lot of travelling especially to the out-reach areas. Busy. Rush for time. Racing against time. This is what I saw on the road. On the streets. Each person at their own pace, trying to outrun time. Funny, I am sure that the old man must laughing his head off.
Busy beyond the hours. Even I am guilty of this crime. Trying to compress all the work in a day. Hoping that the impossible task of completing 48hrs work in a 24hr run is possible. Foolhardy is what it really is.
Absolutley no time for the necessary mundane things of life. Taking the time to appreciate the beauty of nature. The work of nature. The silent miracles of nature. The breaking of dawn and coming of dusk.Even in the rurals, people are getting caught up with the daily grind, making bread for the day. Birth of a calf, shearing of sheep becomes more or less a mechanical part of the day.
Nothing makes me any different either. I remember the initial days of interning in the ostretrics and gynaecology department, every new birth was a miracle, a joy. Yet now, it’s not the same. I am more worried about infections and whether the baby will make it out of the gates safe. Maybe it’s to do with being alone in the rural areas. Or the sudden responsibility in my hands. Or it is a part of the daily hospital routines growing on me, I reallly can’t figure out the cause.
Either way, one thing I do realize. It’s time to hit the pause button every now and then. To take time off and just stroll about. After all, being busy is fine, but without hours to unwind in between, the last thing I want for me, is to crash and burn. I do have to avoid that at all costs. I guess it’s more or less about taking one day at a time, but to slow down the pace that has been a part of me for the last five years is not so easy. Though, I do have to give it a try. To try slowing down a wee bit that is.
Meanwhile, dealing with my occasional bouts of insomnia, I think I’ll do some light reading on the porch to while away time till sleep catches over. After all someone has to give the crickets and Brownie, my labrador company, for a while through the night. Better to start the unwinding process now, than later !!