“Free to be me?!”..trying to…

I have been in a pensive mood of late. More of self-contemplation, I guess.

When was the last time, I had put my hair down and danced to the music? (Not literally, I mean here!!) It’s been a long time.

Why do have to conform rigidly to certain rules of the society? Like not go for a walk in the middle of the somewhere, in broad daylight.
I mean I’m just walking; I don’t have to explain why or where I am from. Nor does anyone have to focus on me using a telescope; I definitely am not in league with anyone’s conspirators. I barely have time to sleep. I assure I am not paranoid. If you haven’t experienced it, all I can say is welcome to the “small town life!!”

Why do I have to paste a smile on my face when really that’s the last thing I want to do? No I can’t just get up and go, I have to do this social nicety else my Mom is going to clobber my hearing.

Why can’t I sing at the top of my voice when I am alone at home? And why can’t I hog myself on pizza and beer once a while. (Alright, minus the beer and add diet coke.) It’s very unladylike, says grandma. And no madam, no T-shirts and jeans at home. (Tsk, tsk and more unladylike sighs!!)

Well, that’s me. I am clumsy at times. And I love to do crazy things especially hollering at the top of my voice, in the college and freaking the hell out of my lobby mates. Or sitting on the terrace, with my legs swinging out (the matron had palpitations, I wonder why!!). Or fooling around on with my nephew’s Lego set and spraying water colors around (it’s washable, the clothes and the walls!!).

Looking down the lane, sometimes I wonder, why is it that we try to fit the role of a “perfect” lady or gentleman. I mean do we really have to be perfect 24 x 7. Why can’t we just say “no” once a while and just dance to our own tune. All we have to keep in mind is not to step on any one’s toes. Technically, there is no one holding us to the rope and telling us to do this or that. Yet there is silent need within all of us to conform to certain rules that we really don’t have to. Why? Why are we trying to fit into a certain type of mould? Why do we have to be stereotyped into a certain behavior or mode of conduct?

True, society demands us to adopt a code of conduct for living. But when it starts to get on my own nerves and question my own sanity, all I really want to say is why we have to let ourselves get strangled by perfection. No one is perfect. In fact, to err once a while at least, is human.

Sometimes, I think freedom is technically an ironical concept. We are all free as per the different laws in our societies and lands? Yet are we free to be ourselves. Are we free to make mistakes? Are we really free to follow our own mind and heart?

I’ve heard it’s not a crime to be perfect, but is it criminal to be “un-perfect” or rather different and yourself?

Who decides about perfection anyways?

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About ....the little thread of thoughts

through five yrs of med school, and now taking a 2 yr break before post-grad working in mission hosp in India; 'm one of ur norm' everyday ppl. Nothing dramatic goin' on in my life, but it's not so quiet either. Just "a lot of happenings". So, hi there n Have a great day :) View all posts by ....the little thread of thoughts

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