Monthly Archives: March 2012

It’s not always worth it, on the other side…

These are a few of the snippets of a conversation with one of my friends who had called earlier today evening.

” Don’t you think it would be better if I just quit this job and migrate and find another ?”

– Why? What brought on that idea all of a sudden. Last week you sounded like you were having a blast.

” Maybe it’s just getting too boring…time to change ?

– Whoa !! Hang on a sec. You just started at this new firm last month. Change already ? What’s the real reason ?

” Just like that..

– Somehow I refuse to believe that.

” Well I just spoke to D on Facebook. You remember her. We went to college together. She just migrated to Aussie land last month and she’s got an awesome job. You won’t believe the perks and the pay too !!

J think twice. It’s your second job in six months. What’s with all the flitting by. True that there is always something better with everything, but hey you have to be steady sometimes, to enjoy the benefits and be satisfied. Why do you keep running to the other side ? It’s not always as pretty as it looks.

K, I don’t know. Somehow the other side always sounds more enchanting. I guess I’m just ….

Well, this is not a new situation. I had these same feelings while doing summer jobs. I would end up with one, see how the other was having a blast and needless to say, I switched but believe me, it was never worth it. Today with the complexity of modern life, getting to do something that you like is a blessing.

But once the evil head of comparisons and the thoughts of “isn’t better there” start to arise, what you like suddenly doesn’t seem so worth it any more.

Is it worth throwing a best chance and hopelessly start hunting for another ? To chase our dreams is what makes our life worth it. I would say to walk on and find another chance, if you have a plan or even if, an opportunity or an idea is slowly unfolding. Though, just because someone is better somewhere else, doesn’t equate the belief  that life would be bright or even as what it was on the other side.

They say that, “the grass looks greener on the other side”. But what they don’t say is that, the other side could be a mirage especially if you have the ingrown habit of looking over the fence, instead of looking what lies within your fields.

What will happen when the other side was actually a mirage or simply spray painted green ? What happens when the other side starts to wilt, just because you didn’t water your fields there ? What happens when the grass is actually slushy mud on the other side ?

The one thing to know is that, once you are on the other side it may be difficult to climb over the fence and re-enter your fields. (Unlike, the felines we don’t have nine lives..right ?!)

Instead, find your feet where they are and get them firmly on the ground, water the fields and explore your land and find the beauty and happiness therein. Few facts that life glaringly shows us, is that we always take the good things for granted. It’s only when they are snatched away, we realize that we have been given the best gifts in life. We may cross the fence based with “a green eye” and lots of dreams with no plans, then it may be too late to turn back.

Besides, the sun may shine brighter on the other side of the fence and the grass the best of the green, but let it not scorch you. Sunburns are pretty nasty.

 

 


To rise up…

With the change of season, it’s a sin to confine myself indoors. Which is why, I have decided to quit the gym and instead go for the traditional long walks. The only rueful part, is getting up in the early hours of the morning but as they always say, ‘It’s just the start that needs the push…”

Basically at this point, on re-examining “my crisis” ( It’s a long story..but someday I’ll write about it, for now fingers-crossed !!); I have realized I’m in the middle of nowhere. It has two fronts, the professional one and the personal one. Though both have been driving me nuts, it’s the former which has irked me real bad. So setting aside the facts, midst all that red-tape and bureaucracy; I’m going to carry on as if nothing had happened. As said, “Ignorance is bliss…’

On the personal front, I can definitely say that I’m moving on. And while in the process of self-discovery there is one thing that is real difficult.

Chasing away the doubts.

Saying goodbye to the fears.

It’s so easy for anyone to say, don’t worry. But the nagging still lingers and then in the middle of doing something, one often wonders how long will this go on ? Needless to say, may be there is no point in worrying but then again, it’s not easy to erase those thoughts. Maybe time will help.

Only time can help. To fade the obvious into oblivion.

And to rise up and break free of the chains of fear, doubts and worries.

And then to finally fly.


What I have learnt by mid-spring….

Nearing the mid-spring days and looking back over the days ( more like weeks) passed, there are a couple of things that I have realized. And after last night’s contemplations, I have decided to pen them down….

No matter what happens or how bad today is, there is always a tomorrow to look forward to. Life just goes on. No matter how hard I try, I can’t slow down the tick-tock of the clock. The needle hands move, the sand falls down and so another try comes along.


Even though they say that  “life” and “living” are essentially the same, I beg to differ. It’s never the same. Somehow, life holds a more potent feel to it. I guess when you add the meaning or substance to living, that’s when I could call it life.

And of second chances, life is full of it. It’s just that they keep on hiding in the nooks and crannies, and that unless you are looking for them with an open mind and try to hope ; they won’t come out of the shadows. But if you hunt them down, you would find them.

And opportunities, when they knock it’s not only about opening the door but ushering it in and making something out of it. Placidity is an admirable trait but staying too placid, such that it equates with “stagnancy” is not life’s way. After every catcher’s mitt has a dual role; to catch at the curve or bend and then throw it back!!

And I have learnt that life always has its fair share of pains and gains. Though at some points, it feels like there is more of the pain than the fun. That’s when I realize that it’s not just me, but most of us. And the beauty of it is how we carry on, in spite of the tears and worries that we are holding within.

As far as making the tough decisions go, I have realized that making my fears and apprehensions a white board helps. And when I close my eyes, believing in hope, faith and an open mind; I am able to make the right call.

One of the most important things that I have learnt over the dawn of spring is that; we are not alone. We are a part of a bigger existence. Everyone has fears but what makes them numb, is the human connections. That’s what keeps the spirit going even through the troubled times.

Each time I reach out and lend a shoulder or a helping hand, a kind word or just a huge hug; it makes me feel happy. Happy that someone’s day has been brightened and unknowingly, my load feels light on seeing their smile. Words may be forgotten or even actions may be forgotten after a while; but the feelings experienced shall always remain. They make the special moments and memories. And they are what should be passed on. Making someone feel special is a gift that even time can’t erase.

 

And the final thought is that , I learnt that I can never stop learning. Till the music ends, new notes have to be grasped and translated into the vibes of life. After all, though life may not be the party that I had hoped for, the least I could do is to dance to the music and bring in the new steps.

And so here ends my train of words. Come Monday morning, it’s time for me to grab my sneakers and be on the run again. Here’s to a wonderful week to all of you.


So far, a lil’ bit of fun…

Phew !! Can’t believe it’s past mid-March day already. With the current fiasco of events, I guess the change of colours was one of the last things on my mind. Well, time to rectify it. Here comes the spring in its full glory….

One of the main festivals in India was celebrated over the last week. The festival wherein a riot of colours are thrown, even at the unsuspecting passers-by (that’s the fun….the festival spirit!!); to mark the beginning of basant i.e. spring and it marks the love and brotherhood ( and sisterhood !!) of the season. And so we all said hello to “vibgyor” !!

If there is one thing that is welcome before the hot dry days set in, is the rain. Yes, it’s been the fresh spring rains here, more of a drizzle actually. Quite pleasant compared to the downpour of the monsoons.

Well that was quite a bit of the weather talk…Can’t avoid mentioning it, especially after hours were spent cleaning up the colours !!

On a different track, with my experiments in the kitchen ongoing; I have so far managed to bake a batch of biscuits, a little crumbly but home-made.

And yes, currently I have taken up karate, on full swing. (I gave a miss on yoga; somehow I can’t imagine myself sitting down for long!!) Due to the hectic work schedule (as always, nothing new in that!!), I have been allotted my own instructor and shorter training hours (did I mention about the privileges which goes with the job!!)

It feels nice to get rid of all the stress, even though the sessions are only twice a week. Earlier I used to take up walking, but hey breaking a board and throwing someone down sounds more destructive and more fun!! On a second thought, I could do with a little bit of self-defense. It’s not Goldilocks’ land anymore; these days one can’t even afford to open their doors to a salesman (sorry guys, better safe than sorry!!). Anyways, since I have just started with the training, I must say there is more to karate than just self-defense. Goes for all the martial arts too, I guess. (Need to ponder over that bit…)

Changing tracks again, I guess it’s time to wind up for this evening. Not before, you pour over this story…

and yes, to wind with the last say, Happy St. Patrick’s Day !!

That’s all for now I guess, need to do some thought-gathering….


In the process of getting back…

Over the past week, there were couple of things I had learnt from introspection and the words of wisdom emailed over; but the most important thing was to find myself. Or simply put, to get back on track !!

Yes I am still waiting for the outcome, but meanwhile I’m really tired of waking up and dreading each day. So I figured that it was time to get creative and so started with…

“My experiments in the kitchen”… Now why should I miss a chance to have fun with chocolate !! Though so far my progress has been limited to just finishing off the cookie batter, I must say that my evening turned out to be pretty good yesterday. Minus my on-call days, I guess the kitchen is a good enough place to have some fun..

Next on the “to-do” list is to get back on track with my reading and writing. Not just the blogging bit but the entire set of novels and blogs, that I have not been reading for a while…. Or maybe play with the colours and paint my bedroom a riot of shades…. Or just laze around the day watching the good ol’ movies and mindless snacking ( and grow real huge, nah maybe I have to cross that one out !!)…Or just long walks and sit in solitude..though I have been doing that for the past one week…

To be honest, I haven’t really figured out a plan to find myself; but one thing that I do know is that I have to start soon…

Maybe what I really have to do is to resist the urge to feel like you’re the only one going through this.

As said in the “In Invisible Man”, Ralph Ellison summed this up well: All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

And maybe it goes beyond finding some meaning in life; maybe it has something to do with making a meaning out of life…

And I hope that, I would soon find my way back on the road…


Finding Courage…

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go”.

This is something that I have learnt over the past one week….

 The lesson, which is the fact that; where ever we go in our lives, no matter where we are, no matter how big or small, or how distinguished we may be; one thing is true, is that we have to live courageously.

 To be willing to accept the things that have happened in our lives that we never wanted to happen….

 To learn the things in our lives we never cared to learn about…..

 And if it comes to the point where we have to let the people go in our lives that are only bringing us down, even though it “feels” different being with them…then we have to take that step..to let them go and find ourselves back…

 

One thing that I have to do is to grow….

 And that happens only when I am able to let go of the person that I was, then and only then will I ever truly be able to start becoming the person that, I dream and that I know I can be.

 It takes real courage to stand up and fight for what you believe, for what is in your heart, instead of letting life dictate to you that you will be what it wants you to be. 

For always, there will always be many things in our lives that we will have trouble letting go, but “letting go” doesn’t equate with the fact that our lives are over….

 “Letting go”, I guess means that we taken a new path and in the process acquire the true spirit of life, and the silent acknowledgement that we are more ready than ever, to face and to conquer whatever lies in our path, as we travel through the roads of life. 

The lesson of courage and to brave it out; no matter how hard it may be. To stand up and face the shadows and doubts; to find a way out through the darkness and eventually getting geared up to chart a new course, if that is the only and the best option left. And ultimately, to find ourselves back again.

I still haven’t yet figured out a way to sort out the crisis from the last month. Still on the mode of contemplation and introspection, I just pray that in the end, it would all be fine. Right now, I really have to face the unpleasantness of my situation. I have to start to believe in the word which begins with the letter “C”…C for Courage…