Category Archives: Music

De-cluttering crisis : the music tapes !!

Ah, great, even for garage sales they have gone out of fad. I was trying to disperse a part my collection of audio tapes. Don’t get me wrong. I am crazy about my music collection. But some of them have to go (Space and I are at war). Yet even for free, they hardly sold. Music of the 80-s and 90-s has not faded, but the tapes sure have gone out of demand. Which brings me to the thought : is it already the by-gone era for the music tapes ?!! I must say, that technology has progressed real fast. 

Well, after the i-pod and the mp4 players, who would want to lug around a tape-recorder and a bundle of cassettes. You want volume for the party, the amplifiers and speakers will do. Besides, for the latest videos and albums, on-line purchase gets you the tracks faster than even when you order the audio-cd’s, leave out the tapes. And talk about space, the only reason I am even thinking of parting with a part of my audio-tape collection (not the priceless ones!!) is to de-clutter. Unlike the gramophone, no way the tape-recorder neither the tapes are going to be ancient relics, even centuries later. Less likely.

Yet, I agree there is a different feel when you hold a music tape in hand. Recordings. Your own personalized collection of songs. Attempts at forming my own band. And the numerous dance numbers. The Saturday night gigs. But, when I asked the teens in my family. Tapes, they are too tedious. Now cd’s that’s better. Still better are the i-pods. Well, honestly I prefer the latter these days.

Ah now that all roads leading to their exit from my collection is closed, the next agenda to create more space in the basement, if feasible. Wasn’t it Napoleon who said that, impossible is a word that doesn’t exist. Er, I beg to differ. My basement doesn’t agree. Space is impossible, unless you win the war for it !!!


Roll your “r’s” and get your “t’s” straight !!!

Christmas-time !!! Aside from the yearly Christmas celebrations, i.e. carols, church choirs, bonfire nights, all the baking and friends and family meet; there is the annual institutional Christmas events..i.e. the Christmas choir and the Christmas play. Well this year, I am getting involved with the play. Nope, not in the “dramatic” department, had enough of theatrics at work. Rather I am into the sets and props. Hey, you put the actors on stage but minus the sets and props, all you get is a bunch of dialogues and facial expressions !!!

This year, the script is based on M.A.S.H.- the 70’s show drawing the concept from the “Officer’s only” episode (15) of season 02. Concept all about discrimination based on rank. Well, practice will soon get on full fledged as the three day show is over the next weekend!! Dialogues, expressions, pronunciation, stage movements…thank goodness I switched over. Recollecting my earlier roles, the long tiring practices, memorizing the lines, and worst of all the stage fright… was fun, but this time I needed a change. So I jumped at the chance to take care of the “sets and props”. Earlier I thought it was light work, but I have changed my mind. Post-reviewing the script and the airing of the original episode for the benefit of the entire cast and crew, I was staring at the screen gasping for air like a fish!! Omg work has to get started asap. Looks like there is going to be a lot of heavy furniture to be moved around, ward scenes to work out and a bar to be set up !!!

Ironically, are we getting breaks from work  for this? Na!!Nada!!Zilch!! After all, the whole objective of this institution is to make us into multi-tasking professionals!!! So with a prayer, I shall start off. Yikes!!! Where did my copy of the script go ? Have to get the separate lists for the props for each set sorted out ?! Oh no, not a hunt now!!

Even heaven cries

Well, I have had this nagging sense of “imperfection-ism” the whole day. Don’t know what exactly caused this to happen. Was it that my boss kind of ticked me off ? Or the amount of work that keeps piling up ? And my social life is a mess…both family and friends. Most of the time, I keep quiet and listen to life as it flies by. But just once, I wish everything would stop. Only for a few hours, just want a break. Just once, I wish I didn’t have to worry about the amount of work left, about doing everything the right way, what to say to whom, show the right expression, make the right noises of approval. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t have to be so careful with my choice of words, my moods and feelings. True, I get to vent it out once a while but why do I have to have these spells; when the day seems gloomyand nothing works out right. I don’t know what it is, maybe it is the pent up emotions in me, or the stress, or the fact that I will be getting transferred to elsewhere next year. Can’t put a finger onto it. Maybe I just need a good cry, for even heaven cries…I have been listening to this song for sometime. Sometimes, I just wish I could pack up and go off. Not telling anyone. Not to be responsible. Just a break.

It hurts to smile when your relationships are strained thanks to some unexplained matter which was never cleared up, which will happen only if both sides hear themselves out. It hurts when you realize that the rumors floating around gain more precedence over the real facts of the event. What’s the point ? You have no choice but to just shrug your shoulders, chin up and smile. Grandma used to say, Let people say what they want, you know who are ? I agree, but sometimes I just wish that everyone would just mind their own business or else just accept others as they are, minus expectations, minus any obligations. But sadly, it seems like an Utopian concept. I think I really need that cry. Or maybe the fault lies in me…a deaf ear I need to have, an expectation of perfection needs to go away. Or maybe I need to look into the mirror and say, this is who I am, to hell with the rest of the world.

I need to stop this rambling and get on with life. Need to get out of the blues soon, puts the entire Christmastime to a depressive halt. Need to get away at least for sometime, before this phase goes on for too long. I can feel my whole world falling apart, feel like hiding myself in a corner or just disappearing for a while. I guess it is just a phase, but I can’t get rid of it. ” Even heaven cries Everybody cries, It’s okay to doubt yourself sometimes. You don’t have to be afraid Of what you fear inside It’s alright, it’s alright, Cause even heaven cries,” says the song but this depressive mood, it sucks. I guess it’s time to face the facts and just pray that everything will soon fall into place. Till then, I’ ll drown my sorrows in a beer.


Teardrops on my guitar

Cloudy skies and cold winds graced the air since morning. Tired and miserable, that was how I felt today, around mid-day. Sometimes, you just can’t get rid of ‘the’ memories, certain relationships which inevitably get royally messed up. It seems beyond your control. Assumptions and misunderstandings happen. Unspoken thoughts and prolonged silences. Irritation and hesitation grace the chance meetings. And finally the day comes when one walks in and the other walks out. You are plagued with the question what went wrong ?! Was it your fault !! This is not just between a guy and a girl, but between best friends, between childhood friends…No one really knows what happened. Maybe it is because we never sat down and talked about it. Or we didn’t want to discuss and complicate things further. The outcome is that a relationship is lost.

The lonely mood is accompanied by the teardrops on my guitar. I have been playing it on and on for quite sometime. The lines,”He is the reason for the teardrops on my guitar. The only things that keep me on a wishing star”, strike a chord.It falls in tune with the emotions of the moment. Especially when you are thinking about things that might-have-beens and you can’t stop. When you still want to be friends even though things have changed. When you think of those precious moments, moments of  laughter and fun; you can’t stop. That is the reason of the teardrops.

You go back and try talking but then it may be too late for the fences to mend. Too late, but you try. When the other person doesn’t want to hear it, you finally stop. Deep inside, you still pray that someday you will still be able to smile at each other. And you move on with each passing day hoping that maybe time will you heal…

Along the boulevard

One of the boulevard scenesSometimes, all of a sudden the mood goes off and the feeling of sadness encroaches over. The realization comes over that at the end of the journey, we are essentially alone. Each to his own. Why do I say this ? Cause’ I am going to leave the first phase of medical school. I am going to enter another phase of my journey on. Most of the time I ll be alone. Along the way, I ll meet people; some who I may see after a long time or never again, some who become my acquaintances, some become friends and the others become life-keepers. But at each stop-point, I meet somebody; yet I am alone. This feeling sometimes swamps me over and the feeling of being overwhelmed begins. Yet all the while, somethings keeps on pushing you along the walk, you just move on. Maybe it is the desire to reach the end, or maybe we call it ‘life’ and just move on but we don’t stay at a single spot. The journey has to continue.

Face the fact, we all are mostly alone. We marry, have kids and raise a family, the outings with colleagues and friends; yet we have to go through the journey alone, fore go many things at a very heavy price but at the end, we move on. We stumble, we fall, we become bruised but we get up and continue the walk. We grow up; we mature. Each of us learn something from every experience. Sleepless, silent nights and restless days, they all lie in front of us. But so do some of the happy treasured moments, which pull us through these times. Broken dreams are far easier to find then broken glass!!!

If I go back to the days of “Green Day’s”- ‘ The Boulevard of Broken Dreams”; those lyrics surface every time I am forced to journey alone. Our shadows are always with us, but someone always finds us or we find them, along the way. But try standing at one place, you will loose more than what you catch !! The spirit to move on comes within. Everyone gets the feeling of uncertainty. No one will ever be immune to it. It would have been in your life at one point of time. Life allows you to fall, to stumble but never to sit back and let someone serve your platter. Celebrities, too for that matter are not immune to it.

As for the boulevards’ they are of various varieties: warm, dry, colorful, busy, dull, rainy, crowded; but at the end, you ll find your own one with your own little space. Till then, I have to move on. For matter how tire-some or irritating the journey; I will find someone on the way. As my Grand-pa used to say, “It’s a small world, after all!!!”


Is it another masquerade….

Reading through the history of various civilizations, some themes have not really changed. Most of society try to carve themselves behind a facade, so that the real scenario is kept hidden. For instance, in one of my college newsletter reports, I was told to ‘ temper down’ my article because it might offend the governing board of directors. Whatever, happened to the internationally given human right of freedom of expression ? The real facts have to be thrown out to the public.

Likewise, I guess in most situations, we are told to go for the most ideal approach. Realistically, to be ideal is more or less an Utopian concept !!! Come to think of it, look at today’s society- the ideal standard of living, the ideal work environment, the ideal diet to follow….all these “ideal” concepts curb what we really want to do.

Last night, I was feeling bored. the TV was the only alternative ( net was royally dysfunctional !!!!). The Phantom of the Opera was on. It had reached the ballroom scene, where Andre and Firmin are toasting to the Phantom..It was these lyrics that caught my ear.

” Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade.
Hide your face, so the world will never find you!
Every face a different shade.
Look around –
there’s another
mask behind you!

Flash of mauve.
Splash of puce.
Fool and king.
Ghoul and goose.
Green and black.
Queen and priest.
Trace of rouge.
Face of beast.

Take your turn.
Take a ride.
On a merry – go – round
In an inhuman race…….” and the later lines of  Raoul/Chistine ” Who can name a face ? ”

Which is what brought me to the fact that ” Am I also the part of another masquerade scene ?!! ” Like all the hidden faces on parade, is that what the world is really all about?!!! I rather remain in utero then. What ever happened to the concept of ” being open”? True, there is a limit between ‘being open’ and ‘being reserved’ ; but that doesn’t grant you the fact to hide who you really are ?

Life seems like a masquerade party sometimes. Full of excitement and grandeur.Of enigma and all the gliterrati !! It spells out fun when in a party, but in real life..believe me, it’s not. Where people adorn their masks as a shield to their true self ? Who to trust ? Who to believe ? Who is who ? Who are you ? Another facade, another mask to hide behind !!! What role do you play – yourself or another mask ? All the show, all the splendor- purely artificial! Why appreciate somebody, when you don’t mean it ? Why put on an act of comfort and sympathy when deep down, you know that you don’t give a damn !!!

” Masquerading in..” some thing that you are not really yourself, should be kept to bare minimum, or rather in dire circumstances. Who can name a face ? No one. I rather be me, because I have only one life, and I want to end it by being the ‘real me’!!!

No one is immune to the fact that we tend to cover up the real ‘ourselves’. Echoing the words of  The Carpenters’ ‘ This Masquerade Lyrics’…

“Are we really happy with

This lonely game we play..”

It is indeed a lonely tune, to loose your relationships; because you were too busy hiding behind the mask !!! I don’t want to end up like the “Phantom”. I really want people to know the real me. and I am sure,  you do want the world to know ‘the real you’ and so does everybody else !!!

When the door is narrow…..

This is something my pen-pal had discussed with me today..thought it would be quite interesting to share it with all of you…

College life is all about having fun, indulging in new activities, exploring various options and of course, learning new talents. So its quite sad when you see a college only stuck on one of the performing arts- be it music, dance or drama or arts. There is a delicate balance struck between all of these talents, so as to build up a better co-curricular activity calendar. This excludes all sporting activities. So when one college gets fixated on only music, it becomes extremely difficult for all the other artistes to perform in other fields. So only those who know music, have a chance to showcase their talents. Ask, any artiste, there is an exquisite sense of pleasure that develops when one is in the limelight or when his or her talent is showcased…

There was nothing much i could tell my pen-pal. Being an average singer myself, i know its quite easy to let your own talents get sidelined. But i guess, it’s what you make best out of it, your god given that matters…that’s the art of your life.

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
Robert Cushing
So no matter where you are, even you are forced to shelve your talents, never let it die, do it, indulge in it to get off your daily routine activities…..and someday you ll blossoms out there.

The question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means, time, influence and educational advantages; the question is what he will do with the things he has. The moment a young man ceases to dream or to bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his conditions in the face, and resolves to change them, he lays the corner-stone of a solid and honorable success.
Hamilton Wright Mabie

The Way

Its your road to chose and follow......

So never let go of what you really like to do, regardless of how different the environment may be around you. For those of us who get the opportunity, its up to us to grab and not let go…for we may not live to get a second chance.