And then it’s a brand new day… Dear readers and fellow bloggers, it’s been more than a year since I last wrote. Finally, my sabbatical is over and I’m back. The past one year the last of pre-residency era and now, I have officially graced the gates of residency in paediatric medicine. So now, it’s back to the good ol’ days of night calls, back to back days of continuous emergency admitting and clinic days. But ad-mist all the melee, all I can say is that, ” it’s not so bad getting back to the old grind !!”. Time limits would be more than before, but the best thing is I am finally in the field that I really love and I have reached a part of my dream. “I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copy books; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women So being back in world of blogging after a really long time, all I am going to say is that; it’s never too late to pick up from where you left off. Life is not all about promises unfulfilled; it’s also about going back and making sure that in the end, you have done your part. Time never runs out, until and unless we have decided that it has. “Beginnings could happen more than once or in different ways. You could think you were starting something afresh, when actually what you were doing was carrying on as before. He had faced his shortcomings and overcome them and so the real business of walking was happening only now.” ― Rachel Joyce, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry
Tag Archives: musings
One hour later, it would be one month down. Somehow, it feels like a long time ago, that I was caught up in the frenzy of the New Year celebrations.
Truth to tell, I feel kind of more “off the track” of late. I do feel happy and content in my surroundings but also (sigh!) a little bit restless.
Flipping through the channels, (yes, I am finally sitting in front of the big screen!!) one thought that keeps on nagging my conscience is; its 2013 and you’re growing in no way younger; so what have you done so far? What have you promised to yourself?
Promise?! To myself?! You’ve got to be kidding!!
Why? You have to give an assurance to yourself over something? Or are you not important to promise yourself something?!
No it’s not that; it’s just that there’s nothing much to promise myself. I have already made a list of resolutions.
No, I’m talking about “promise”. To give yourself what you really want. To take an undertaking or vow only for yourself.
I already have more blessings than I can count. So what do I want more?
Are your blessings making you too set in life? What about making those blessings into talents ? What about your dreams? Your dream to make a difference…
….. That’s what I am doing here….
Is that enough? Not the realistic dreams, but your dream to “live life” or are you falling into the good old comfortable routine?
We need routines and yes, I always tend to fall into one.
Then why are you restless? Or is it “dissatisfaction cloaked”? Or are you hiding from taking a chance? What happened to your “bucket list”?!!
My bucket list; there was one maybe five years ago; but no more.
I don’t know !!
Then this what I have to say;
“We don’t have all the time in the world.
You need to live life for yourself; not selfishly but true to your inner voice and to your inner self.
A promise to; free yourself of the constraints of the day, and to just explore life.
To do what you want to do, to take chances and to make changes.
Walk that extra mile, make a new path and if you feel like running, hike up your skirts and just run.
Yes, we do live in a society but do re-script the rules once a while; only for you to live life.
Some bridges may need to be burnt. In that case, burn them and find another way to crossover. But whatever it may be, take care not to lose your passion for life.
Just run with the wind once a while and breathe in what is there around you.
All I am asking you, is to promise yourself to make your bucket list …
And in doing so…dream big, take small steps, jump a little, walk a new path, sail through un-chartered waters, run awhile, find life and most of all in doing so; find peace in your inner self ….
What do you do when all that comes to mind is…
“Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day”
Courtesy to my next door kid who wanted to hear Perry Como’s lines over and over again, which is what got me thinking ( which is when some would ensure that the emergency numbers are at hand !!)….And so let’s talk about stars !!!
And this brings me to the big question, what would you do when you catch one? And the even bigger one, do you believe that you would get one ?
Consequently, this is what my pessimist side said…
“Catch a falling star ?!! What nonsense !! They are just asteroid like bodies that enter the earth’s atmosphere and then burn to bits..that’s what they are, rock…dust..ashes !! Beside when they fall they create craters too, real big ones!! And at the rate you spent looking up to catch one, you would end up slipping. Don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you ahead…!! Rainy days and dust..they all become muddy. And even if it’s a star, it’s so bright that it would burn your pocket and hand. Do me a favor and quit thinking, just don’t get me started on the nonsense of believing in silly stuff !!” .…There, one part of me got quashed !!
Then steps in my ever so bright side, the thoughts of the “hardly ever-present optimist”…
“Sure stars do exist and when you get one, don’t let go. Use it and save on it but don’t waste it nor miss it. Let its light burn, so bright so that it would make a difference in your life. Life has lots of falling stars ( here, Mr. pessimist snorts !!), try to catch, all of them or at least most of them.”…Great, I’m pepped up but directionless I feel..
Finally to the rescue, my realistic thoughts crowd over;
“Falling stars are beautiful. No, that would be an under-rated, they are actually spectacular. But the beauty lies in how you use it. And that depends on your purpose. On what you seek from life. On what you define your life to be. On till where you are willing to go, even if it means as far as your journey takes you. And that starlight of what’s left is more than just for a rainy day. It’s for you to brighten it and pass the light. You may not always be able to do that, but when ever you can you must.
The best part being, to lessen your dark days with the star-dust that you have in your pocket. Most important, look up once a while for the stars but don’t forget to look ahead and behind too. Use the stars and the star light to guide you. And when you catch a falling star…smile, use it and treasure it.”….
And that is the what the most practical and realistic side of me says…
So, what do you think of “falling stars” ?! And most of all, do you believe in them ?!! What would you do with your star-dust – save it or use it, or a bit of both ?!
It was during my clinics yesterday, when I saw ” the smile”. It was a beautiful one, for I knew the person had their own crisis going on, yet in spite of all that, that smile reached out and made an old lady among many others, smile.
It feels great to be at the receiving end of a smile. Especially when you have your own personal arising; on seeing a perfect smile, the genuine one; somehow the load seems lighter.
And that was what I witnessed yesterday, the perfect smile.
The smile that taught me that we all have our own problems, and so do others. The smile that said that we are not alone. The smile that spoke of hope anew. The smile that made someone happy.
We are not the only targets of bad luck or misfortune, everyone is. But in the end, it doesn’t matter.
What matters is whether you passed on the smile. And whether you made someone smile today ?
It’s what we all need for a new beginning and a fresh start. A ray of hope which slowly glimmers on surface and then ultimately, it lights us from within and gets us going.
We all need new starts ’cause every once a while, we get stuck and that is quite common. Yet it’s the process of “getting unstuck” that makes us who we are, or rather that determines us what kind of person we are or will be.
Why am I rambling on about this ?
From what I have seen over the past two weeks is that, in trying times it’s so easy to fall back and to quote, “let fate take its course. There’s nothing that I can do about it any more.”
Honestly, it’s pretty easy to come to such a conclusion, for nothing is our doing. It’s all a pre-destined course of events. Right ?!
But in reality, is it so ? If we do so purely believe in fate and its course, then why even try doing anything ? Are we trying to hide our fears in fate ? Is destiny just a cover for our misgivings and fear to try again? Or are we just sitting back dazed and giving up, when we haven’t even tried? Is that known as fate ?!! We might as well do the puppet show of basic living and then walk off. Then what’s the difference in being human. Where is the fire and where is the spark of life.
By believing in something and going for it, is what our very existence demands of us. Yes, fate does take its “due” course but that doesn’t mean that we just sit back and let it take its course. In that case, there would be no progress at all. There would be nothing to look forward to in life.
We need to find a way between fate and our dreams and somewhere the two roads will meet. No matter how parallel the roads may be, there’s always a way around it. We just have to make up our mind and heart, and in the process of finding our dreams; may be fate would step in, to either lend a hand or to stay in the shadows.
So once decision taken this Easter, is to hope and to believe in oneself. Fate does have a role to play in life but it doesn’t necessarily define us or our days on the journey. It helps us make the tough decisions but to find a fresh start depends on us and is our sole responsibility.
Meanwhile, Happy Easter !! May this year be one of love, peace, joy, happiness, grace, salvation and hope.
With the change of season, it’s a sin to confine myself indoors. Which is why, I have decided to quit the gym and instead go for the traditional long walks. The only rueful part, is getting up in the early hours of the morning but as they always say, ‘It’s just the start that needs the push…”
Basically at this point, on re-examining “my crisis” ( It’s a long story..but someday I’ll write about it, for now fingers-crossed !!); I have realized I’m in the middle of nowhere. It has two fronts, the professional one and the personal one. Though both have been driving me nuts, it’s the former which has irked me real bad. So setting aside the facts, midst all that red-tape and bureaucracy; I’m going to carry on as if nothing had happened. As said, “Ignorance is bliss…’
On the personal front, I can definitely say that I’m moving on. And while in the process of self-discovery there is one thing that is real difficult.
Chasing away the doubts.
Saying goodbye to the fears.
It’s so easy for anyone to say, don’t worry. But the nagging still lingers and then in the middle of doing something, one often wonders how long will this go on ? Needless to say, may be there is no point in worrying but then again, it’s not easy to erase those thoughts. Maybe time will help.
Only time can help. To fade the obvious into oblivion.
And to rise up and break free of the chains of fear, doubts and worries.
And then to finally fly.
Nearing the mid-spring days and looking back over the days ( more like weeks) passed, there are a couple of things that I have realized. And after last night’s contemplations, I have decided to pen them down….
No matter what happens or how bad today is, there is always a tomorrow to look forward to. Life just goes on. No matter how hard I try, I can’t slow down the tick-tock of the clock. The needle hands move, the sand falls down and so another try comes along.
Even though they say that “life” and “living” are essentially the same, I beg to differ. It’s never the same. Somehow, life holds a more potent feel to it. I guess when you add the meaning or substance to living, that’s when I could call it life.
And of second chances, life is full of it. It’s just that they keep on hiding in the nooks and crannies, and that unless you are looking for them with an open mind and try to hope ; they won’t come out of the shadows. But if you hunt them down, you would find them.
And opportunities, when they knock it’s not only about opening the door but ushering it in and making something out of it. Placidity is an admirable trait but staying too placid, such that it equates with “stagnancy” is not life’s way. After every catcher’s mitt has a dual role; to catch at the curve or bend and then throw it back!!
And I have learnt that life always has its fair share of pains and gains. Though at some points, it feels like there is more of the pain than the fun. That’s when I realize that it’s not just me, but most of us. And the beauty of it is how we carry on, in spite of the tears and worries that we are holding within.
As far as making the tough decisions go, I have realized that making my fears and apprehensions a white board helps. And when I close my eyes, believing in hope, faith and an open mind; I am able to make the right call.
One of the most important things that I have learnt over the dawn of spring is that; we are not alone. We are a part of a bigger existence. Everyone has fears but what makes them numb, is the human connections. That’s what keeps the spirit going even through the troubled times.
Each time I reach out and lend a shoulder or a helping hand, a kind word or just a huge hug; it makes me feel happy. Happy that someone’s day has been brightened and unknowingly, my load feels light on seeing their smile. Words may be forgotten or even actions may be forgotten after a while; but the feelings experienced shall always remain. They make the special moments and memories. And they are what should be passed on. Making someone feel special is a gift that even time can’t erase.
And the final thought is that , I learnt that I can never stop learning. Till the music ends, new notes have to be grasped and translated into the vibes of life. After all, though life may not be the party that I had hoped for, the least I could do is to dance to the music and bring in the new steps.
And so here ends my train of words. Come Monday morning, it’s time for me to grab my sneakers and be on the run again. Here’s to a wonderful week to all of you.