Its hardest to know…..!!

They often say a picture says more than a thousand words…and now here I hope that this would convey a little of something of what is on my mind… and I’m sure at some point in all our lives we would have come across.

Starting anew !!!

And then it’s a brand new day… Dear readers and fellow bloggers, it’s been more than a year since I last wrote. Finally, my sabbatical is over and I’m back. The past one year the last of pre-residency era and now, I have officially graced the gates of residency in paediatric medicine. So now, it’s back to the good ol’ days of night calls, back to back days of continuous emergency admitting and clinic days. But ad-mist all the melee, all I can say is that, ” it’s not so bad getting back to the old grind !!”. Time limits would be more than before, but the best thing is I am finally in the field that I really love and I have reached a part of my dream. “I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copy books; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)”  ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women So being back in world of blogging after a really long time, all I am going to say is that; it’s never too late to pick up from where you left off. Life is not all about promises unfulfilled; it’s also about going back and making sure that in the end, you have done your part. Time never runs out, until and unless we have decided that it has. “Beginnings could happen more than once or in different ways. You could think you were starting something afresh, when actually what you were doing was carrying on as before. He had faced his shortcomings and overcome them and so the real business of walking was happening only now.”  ― Rachel Joyce, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

So finally, I’m back; maybe not as regular as before but definitely, monthly updates would be there from my side out here. Initia nova …. nova coepta…. Have a great day !!

Finding it…

“It’s a state of mind of mind”, they say…

But what they don’t know is that,

It’s also a choice.

It’s something you get only when you are yourself.

It disappears when we change ourselves to be something else, what we are truly not, just to please others.

To find it, you have to learn not to take everything to heart. Perchance, if others don’t like your actions or words, even if you don’t mean to hurt anyone, then let them be. You can’t change everyone, but you can change yourself…

If life was about pleasing everybody, then you would never find it…

It runs away, when you are deeply troubled and irritated.

But, it’ll come again…if..and only if…

You muster your courage to admit when you’re scared….

learn to laugh even though you are crying deep inside…

the guts to speak up, even if your voice feels shaky…

and  when you need help, the confidence to ask for guidance…

and the will to listen to words of advice and wisdom….

Then you would definitely find it…and

That “It” is nothing but happiness…

The happiness of mind, heart and soul…to have all three of them is indeed an art and the gift of life…

Skating by…

It’s been nearly two whole weeks since I have last posted. Kind of a first, since I have never stayed off the blog for this long. Well, who do I put the blame on ? Shuttling between duty hours and my pre-post graduation preparation; time has been flying, leaving me stranded . That’s when I wish I had lived on Venus, but that’s too long a day ( 243 earth days per day) and the years would never go by. So here I am now, immersed in books and coffee and not to forget the white coat !!

Coming back on track, the only way to cut on time was to run around without actually running around ?!! Kind of weird, but do you remember that dusty old pair of shoes with wheels on the base !! I found mine hidden in the boxes up in the attic, not worn out with the laces in tact. Great, it’s time to get back on them. And with the entire ensemble of the knee and elbow pads, running from one block to another, especially during duty hours is like a whizz !! Practically that never happens, when I have to stop by and talk to ten different people on the way. Yet it feels great to be back on skates!!

It’s fun, to put on the full gear and dash across the streets, like in childhood. The only problem is that I keep on falling, but that is “the beginner’s block”. Thankfully, the felt pads never let me down.And even with the falls, getting around on skates is worth it.  Honestly, I can hardly remember the last time I ran on the lawn, chasing  and getting chased ( don’t count the family gatherings, I’m mauled by my nieces and nephews, and the rest of gang of cousins !!). The perks of technology, doesn’t make up for the lost time of fun, frolic and leisure.

But think of it, it’s time to put the laptop away and get some fresh air. Time to get some physical activity done ( exclude the laundry and the morning hustle-bustle). And now, I wonder where my skipping rope went ? That’ll be another hunt so I’ll settle for my skates now.

Getting those muscles back into function, was there any game or sporting event that you were crazy about in middle or high school days, and that you haven’t done for a long time ?!! And this doesn’t include the spectator part !! I have along list starting with the throw ball and volleyball nets. Gym is fine but it get’s boring at times. Maybe May is the time for some community play and matches !!

Have a great week ahead !!

Thank you for that smile…

It was during my clinics yesterday, when I saw ” the smile”. It was a beautiful one, for I knew the person had their own crisis going on, yet in spite of all that, that smile reached out and made an old lady among many others, smile.

It feels great to be at the receiving end of a smile. Especially when you have your own personal arising; on seeing a perfect smile, the genuine one; somehow the load seems lighter.

And that was what I witnessed yesterday, the perfect smile.

The smile that taught me that we all have our own problems, and so do others. The smile that said that we are not alone. The smile that spoke of hope anew. The smile that made someone happy.

We are not the only targets of bad luck or misfortune, everyone is. But in the end, it doesn’t matter. 

What matters is whether you passed on the smile. And whether you made someone smile today ?

Finding Courage…

“There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go”.

This is something that I have learnt over the past one week….

 The lesson, which is the fact that; where ever we go in our lives, no matter where we are, no matter how big or small, or how distinguished we may be; one thing is true, is that we have to live courageously.

 To be willing to accept the things that have happened in our lives that we never wanted to happen….

 To learn the things in our lives we never cared to learn about…..

 And if it comes to the point where we have to let the people go in our lives that are only bringing us down, even though it “feels” different being with them…then we have to take that step..to let them go and find ourselves back…

 

One thing that I have to do is to grow….

 And that happens only when I am able to let go of the person that I was, then and only then will I ever truly be able to start becoming the person that, I dream and that I know I can be.

 It takes real courage to stand up and fight for what you believe, for what is in your heart, instead of letting life dictate to you that you will be what it wants you to be. 

For always, there will always be many things in our lives that we will have trouble letting go, but “letting go” doesn’t equate with the fact that our lives are over….

 “Letting go”, I guess means that we taken a new path and in the process acquire the true spirit of life, and the silent acknowledgement that we are more ready than ever, to face and to conquer whatever lies in our path, as we travel through the roads of life. 

The lesson of courage and to brave it out; no matter how hard it may be. To stand up and face the shadows and doubts; to find a way out through the darkness and eventually getting geared up to chart a new course, if that is the only and the best option left. And ultimately, to find ourselves back again.

I still haven’t yet figured out a way to sort out the crisis from the last month. Still on the mode of contemplation and introspection, I just pray that in the end, it would all be fine. Right now, I really have to face the unpleasantness of my situation. I have to start to believe in the word which begins with the letter “C”…C for Courage…

Tough times…

“Good times come, once when the bad times pass…..” is an adage that I often got to hear for the past three days. Honestly, the only thing that I want to ask is that, will the bad times ever end? And, will the good times ever come?

Right now, what I know for sure is that, I’m tired.

Tired of the mess that I am embroiled in.

Tired of all the endless speculations and uncertainties.

Tired of walking in the dark.

Just tired…..

Though, deep down I know this mess would eventually clear up. For better or worse, whatever may be the consequences, I know I have to face this.

But I now, I wonder if happy moments do exist? If there are any things in this world, that is certain? Will I know that tomorrow I would still hold the job that I have today? Will I know the day before, that tomorrow I may be transferred to a new place? Will I ever know if I would get to see the people I love and care for tomorrow?

I guess, nobody has the real answers to these questions. Though, then I must ask what is the point of life? Is there any certainty to tomorrow….forget about the future? Would I ever feel happiness again? Would I find the light at the end?

I don’t know….says my inner mind. But what I know for sure, is that….

“You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

 To believe that you can reach a state of happiness and stay there forever, is like the tide believing she can reach for the shoreline and remain there forever; or like a fruit tree believing that if she only holds on tighter, she can keep her fruit from dropping to the ground.

 Happiness is simply a series of moments that come and go and add sweetness to our lives.

 Learn to accept this, and the more happy moments you will have…..”

So here I am now, tired but still trying to figure out what is happening and what will happen next. And in the process, I’m trying to accept the course of events as they come. And hoping that, His Grace would be sufficient and that there would soon be light at the end of the dark tunnel.

 

Today – to deck the halls !!

It’s been nearly two weeks into the Advent month. Funny how time flies!! It feels just like the other day, when I was marking the days off August waiting for autumn to start.

Now that it’s December, the Advent month; the boxes have to be tackled from the attic and up goes the tree. For me this time round it’s a pretty late start, (really late!! ), considering the fact in my years so far, post- Thanksgiving, up goes the tree!! Forget about waiting for Black Friday to go by.

So far the only feat accomplished is the procrastination bit. That is, the plans for the gifts to buy, the baking, the decors and the shopping. Though this year round, I have to start the hunt for the best bargains – new place, new shopping routes, new markets!!

Looking deeper into the Advent month, each year there was something special to do; as in a selfless act. It goes beyond soup kitchens and organizing x’mas celebrations and gifts in old age homes, orphanages and the so on. Last year, was the last year of university, during internship. So it was mostly of organizing the play and the choir with the proceeds going for the poor patient funds.

Though the year before last , it was a different X’mas project. Most of us in the neighborhood had pooled in for a fund-raiser, at the local network and at the church for the orphanage and their school. Besides organizing the gifts and the new furniture for the orphanage, we had to take classes for the kids in elementary subjects. In a way, there was lot of learning to be done; learning about life, friends and the gift of being selfless. True, we may not meet the little kids again, but little actions leave their impression.

So this year, the hospital had decided to take one of our projects to the streets. There are scores of road traffic accidents in India and in many of them, children are the worst affected. Whether it is a cause of road-rage or rash driving, the consequences still stay on even after they get discharged from the hospital. Some children have lost their homes and parents, and shuttled to and fro from their relatives’ home. Some become physically challenged.  Some of them have their homes, parents; yet they still haven’t lost terror hasn’t lost its grip. Life comes to a stand-still and everyday day is like another hurdle to cross.

In Horeb, that’s the name of the place where I stay, last week we had started a small community mainly dealing with post-trauma victims especially road-traffic accidents. So this X’mas, we plan to help them getting their lives back on track, (rehabilitation is a really long word to say it !!). It goes more beyond the psychological help; we need a lot of social help. A lot of them become physically challenged and especially for children, their world had turned upside down.

And so that’s how time flew for me in the past two weeks. So far, phase one i.e. persuading them to join the community, attend the meetings and be a part of the bigger family is underway. The next phase is to rope in the families of the victims to attend the sessions and become a part of the community. After all, each one really needs to know and understand that they are not alone. Then next, coming to the social and economical ventures; plans are still being formulated as to how to go about it. I hope that this project works out, and that there would be a lot of smiles at the end of the year, next year in fact.

Changing tracks and coming over to the busy and hectic part of X’mas, i.e. the arrangements and settings for the parties, the family gatherings and the baking are under full swing. (Need to hide the weighing scales first!!) And then, what’s left to do? Loads, for starters; considering the amount of cleaning up to be done; I’m going to be up and in my knees for hours from now. Two days of off-duty and it’s going to be Oh yes, “deck the halls with boughs of holly..lalalalala..la..la..la..” 

So what’s your festive season like so far? Has there been any progress on the planning? (Don’t ask me, I haven’t started out yet on the home-front!!) Do you have any end-of-the-year or X’mas projects planned or on-going?

 

Post Thanksgiving: Day 04

It’s been four days since the dinner. Well, it wasn’t like at home. A bit different, yet the spirit of the thanksgiving dinner still stayed the same. For one, I was on 24 call that day and second, in India, at least where I stay; turkey is not a common preparation. So swapped the turkey with the chicken and switched the pie with the cake. And minus family, but plus friends; it was a different dinner from the usual.

With yesterday, my call got over and yes, I can finally put my feet up. Thankfully, even though my quarters are a mess, I can still manage to pick myself around. Add it,( clean up !!) to my list of “Things-to-do-later”. So finally, my grey cells get a chance to foray into the world of procrastination and as what “we, thinkers” like to call it as the “thinking mind”.

Thanksgiving , black Friday shopping( missed on that one) then soon followed by the start of Advent; it is indeed the starting of festive season.

Coming back to thanksgiving, if there is one thing I learnt about Grace, is that it comes in many forms. From people who you least expect to help you out, turn out to be your big supporters. Among the critics at work who love to point out the errors, there are a few who actually say it out of genuine concern. And they were your help at crisis point.

Though when was the last time you met them post-project or post help? When was the last time you re-connected to your ex-colleague who moved to another town? When was the last time you called up your distant relatives? When was the last time you send a little thank-you note to your neighbor who takes care of your lawn when you are out-of-town? And when was the last time you met your old chums who got scattered thanks to work and life ?

Well, post thanksgiving, day 03 was when I sprung into action and dusted the cobwebs clustering around the gratitude’s. Gratitude may sound over-rated, yet it feels good, both to say it and to hear it. As said,

“For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson”

So here it is, specially for love and for friends, the chums of old times (miss you all) and the new friends, the fellow bloggers and readers, especially the ones who have to hear out my every thought and tantrum !!!

And to thank Him, for all the good things, the not-so-happy things and the “oh-why-me things”. After all, you can’t have cake all the time, but when you get, I think it’s best to say grace and gobble it up !!!