Starting anew !!!

And then it’s a brand new day… Dear readers and fellow bloggers, it’s been more than a year since I last wrote. Finally, my sabbatical is over and I’m back. The past one year the last of pre-residency era and now, I have officially graced the gates of residency in paediatric medicine. So now, it’s back to the good ol’ days of night calls, back to back days of continuous emergency admitting and clinic days. But ad-mist all the melee, all I can say is that, ” it’s not so bad getting back to the old grind !!”. Time limits would be more than before, but the best thing is I am finally in the field that I really love and I have reached a part of my dream. “I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copy books; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end. (Jo March)”  ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women So being back in world of blogging after a really long time, all I am going to say is that; it’s never too late to pick up from where you left off. Life is not all about promises unfulfilled; it’s also about going back and making sure that in the end, you have done your part. Time never runs out, until and unless we have decided that it has. “Beginnings could happen more than once or in different ways. You could think you were starting something afresh, when actually what you were doing was carrying on as before. He had faced his shortcomings and overcome them and so the real business of walking was happening only now.”  ― Rachel Joyce, The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry

So finally, I’m back; maybe not as regular as before but definitely, monthly updates would be there from my side out here. Initia nova …. nova coepta…. Have a great day !!

For you…from yours truly

One hour later, it would be one month down. Somehow, it feels like a long time ago, that I was caught up in the frenzy of the New Year celebrations.

Truth to tell, I feel kind of more “off the track” of late. I do feel happy and content in my surroundings but also (sigh!) a little bit restless.

Wonder why.

Flipping through the channels, (yes, I am finally sitting in front of the big screen!!) one thought that keeps on nagging my conscience is; its 2013 and you’re growing in no way younger; so what have you done so far? What have you promised to yourself?

Promise?!  To myself?! You’ve got to be kidding!!

Why? You have to give an assurance to yourself over something? Or are you not important to promise yourself something?!

No it’s not that; it’s just that there’s nothing much to promise myself. I have already made a list of resolutions.

No, I’m talking about “promise”. To give yourself what you really want. To take an undertaking or vow only for yourself.

I already have more blessings than I can count. So what do I want more?

Are your blessings making you too set in life? What about making those blessings into talents ? What about your dreams? Your dream to make a difference…

….. That’s what I am doing here….

Is that enough? Not the realistic dreams, but your dream to “live life” or are you falling into the good old comfortable routine?

We need routines and yes, I always tend to fall into one.

Then why are you restless? Or is it “dissatisfaction cloaked”? Or are you hiding from taking a chance? What happened to your “bucket list”?!!

My bucket list; there was one maybe five years ago; but no more.

Why not?

I don’t know !!

Then this what I have to say;

“We don’t have all the time in the world.

You need to live life for yourself; not selfishly but true to your inner voice and to your inner self.

A promise to; free yourself of the constraints of the day, and to just explore life.

To do what you want to do, to take chances and to make changes. 

Walk that extra mile, make a new path and if you feel like running, hike up your skirts and just run.

Yes, we do live in a society but do re-script the rules once a while; only for you to live life.

Some bridges may need to be burnt. In that case, burn them and find another way to crossover. But whatever it may be, take care not to lose your passion for life.

Just run with the wind once a while and breathe in what is there around you. 

All I am asking you, is to promise yourself to make your bucket list …

And in doing so…dream big, take small steps, jump a little, walk a new path, sail through un-chartered waters, run awhile, find life and most of all in doing so; find peace in your inner self ….

…Yours truly..

Three more days to go !!

If the holiday season was all about having a hectic time, then mine has topped the list this time. ( Shudder!!) So much for relaxation and having a quiet winter !!

And to make matters worse, I’m dead tired to get all festive for the New Year; which I may not have to do with being on-call throughout the next week. Plus a trip to Mumbai in early January and then shuttling to and forth places in Kerala, I guess my “new year” will start off with a bang !! But that’s the fun of fusing work and travel; though I must say that everything comes at a price including time and the network availability !!

So today when I finally put my feet up, my gaze falls on a row of black lettered numbers marked with a few red in between; a.k.a. the calendar. Yikes, three days left !!

Funny how the year flew by, or at least the last five months did. This will be my second new year of my mission work break; though this time I’ll be in the hospital. Looking forward to see the surprises in store !! Speaking of which here are a few new year thoughts,

One thing I know for sure, I’m too tired to make resolutions, or even think about them. Plus, I have to head back to the hills ( my code for rural or rather out-of-range areas !!) tomorrow, so that means an early evening and up at four tomorrow morning. (Who says that life never gets busy out here ?!!)

Adding the good and the bad, one thing that this year has robbed me of, or I think that I deprived myself of, is the my blogging hours; which got sidelined thanks to my pre-post graduate preparation. To console myself, I can say I’ll start over after all these exams are over.

And fast forward to three days ahead, before the clock strikes twelve, a happy new year to all my readers;  who have the patience to lend an eye and the time, to read my ramblings.

Good luck with the resolutions. 

Rock the New Year’s eve and the grand day too; have a great and fabulous start !!

Salute !!

Stringing the thoughts !!

Two months and approximately, twenty-five days….it’s not something that I am really happy to acknowledge, but that’s the number of days; I have out of the social networking and the blogging world !! Or rather mildly put, “being off the radar”.

To cut the long list, I am hanging the blame on the sudden fateful turn of events, both in my professional and personal life. Thankfully, they are not that tragic, just time-consuming. In simple words; work, exams, projects and a whole lot of work !!

Shoving all rants aside, it’s thanksgiving, finally !!  Besides the turkey feast, it’s one day that we think of our blessings (little do we know the real value of them !! ) and say Grace.

Everyday we take a  number of things granted. It’s only when we see the little things that we realize how blessed we are.

For instance, I often wonder what the little girl has to smile about, when she had lost her father to a domestic terrorist attack on three years ago ? Or what makes Lina, the lady who stays a few miles away from the hospital in the slum area happy, when her husband abandoned her, leaving her alone with her child who is physically challenged ?  How does the sixty year old church warden get up every morning to ring the chapel bells at six; he had lost his son and his entire family in a hit and run accident three years ago ? There are many more people who have worse situations that what I have seen or known, but they still make through the day.

And that’s what I often wonder, how do they do it ? What makes them smile again ? What gives them the hope ? And why would they ever say thanks. When I asked John, the only thing he would say is. “It’s a part of His bigger plan. May be I am still here to do my part.”

And somewhere down the road, they move on. I am honored to know them, their courage, their hope and how they make their life still count. And in no way that would be easy.

That when the realization strikes;  for most of the times, when we label ourselves “the unlucky ones”; little do we know how lucky we are.

Yet do we do our role in the best way we can. Are we using our blessings or simply taking them for granted and whiling away our time ?A lot to ponder over.

So for now, I have decided to make a difference I can, whenever I can and where ever I can. Maybe it’s not the elaborate gesture that counts but just a kind thought or deed. Or sharing our blessings when we can.

And which is why I have to get busy with the dinner.

One more thought, with my present work schedule and exams, I really don’t know when I would be able to log on; but till do spread the  cheer around.

Happy thanksgiving !!

 

It’s not only about the bit where the glass is half full…

 

Half full or half empty ?!! That’s the story of how positive thinking goes. The way you view a glass of level with the water at the mid-level (..i.e. the realistic view !!)

But today, I was wondering what happens when the glass suddenly just slips and breaks ….. Lucky or unlucky ?!! Bad omen ? I guess, that what happens most of the time, when we set out to do something and it feels that everything in the world, or rather everything that is happening around us, is going against us.

Well, at this point all I can say is, “Welcome to my world!! ”

Yes, things at this point looked like that, till I just sat and gave my thoughts their say. And eventually, this is what I believe….

“When you take a moment to acknowledge how far you’ve come and then look around you, and within yourself…you’ll  remember that you started with nothing, and know that everything that you have achieved so far, is what you have done with His Grace.

Yes, you can lose all feelings of self-worth, especially when something goes wrong in our world, which we deem is the most crucial to us.Yet, the truth is that if you have done it before, you can do it again, no matter what. 

As long as you feel the drive and the willingness to try again, you’re still alive. As long as you make mistakes, you’re still human. And as long as you keep trying, there’s still hope.

So, all I can say for now, is to never give up on yourself and never abandon your dreams.”

 

As for as signs go, yes I did get my coat splattered with mud, thanks to the heavy rains !!, en route for the grand presentation; but my presentation went better than what I hoped for.

And yes, I’m still in a race against time, but I guess I’ll manage shuffling between deadlines and relationships. Believe, the latter is what gets strained fast.

And even though, my plans aren’t going smooth, I guess, I’ll still manage.

After all, every mountain has an “up” and “down”. If there were only up’s, even the skies won’t be able to accommodate us. But a black hole might !!

I guess, the most important thing is not to be bitter over the disappointments. It’s too much to expect that everyday would be sunny. And it is when we get lost, in the darkness and despair; it’s only in the black of the night, that you can make out the stars, and then eventually they would be a light to lead us on.

So even when things go against us and the plans…. it’s worth to make mistakes, to stumble, to fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come when we do the things that scares us the most…the biggest risks, the big gamble. And someday. we’ll get everything more than we could ever have imagined.

For, who knows where life will take us? The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination but when we stand still and waste our time in moroseness and all the “why me ?!!”; we would be getting nowhere.

So, run and get moving.

Have a happy week ahead !!

 

Discere non iudicare….to be so or not to..

Earlier when people used to say, “Oh he’s from the big city !! ” or that she’s from a small town in the Midwest, little did I realise that , these words of introduction or greeting were laced with sarcasm.

And that’s when I thought, this is the minus of people living in the country. They think that city folks don’t know a damn thing about life. On the flip side of the coin, city dwellers classify the new town folk as naive and vulnerable. After all life begins in the city. Well, my thoughts have undergone a complete make-over.

For whether you are from the big pond or the small one, some need to simply comment or criticize. No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you’ll inevitably come across small minds. Many who think they are better than you; may be they are but that doesn’t mean that you are not good enough!!

Many who think that having loads of green paper and tons of material things, or being pretty or popular automatically makes you a worthwhile human being. And that name and fame is what makes life worth it.

And society would judge on these things, at some point or other. But the truth is nothing matters, unless you have a strength of character, integrity, and a sense of pride. And if you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. And don’t ever sell out yourself.

And on meeting someone for the first time, it makes sense not to judge them by their place in life. For think of yourself in their shoes and think of being at the receiving end. And more surprisingly, you would never know, that person might end up being your best friend for life.

So next time, it would be worth the while, to step in and simply say a how do you, minus the comments and minus the sarcasm. In short, learn not to judge, Discere non iudicare.., because life is more than opinions and self-importance. Life speaks of true character, friendship , a lot of beautiful moments and memories, and more…..

Meanwhile, have a great evening !!

 

Finding a fresh start…

It’s what we all need for a new beginning and a fresh start. A ray of hope which slowly glimmers on surface and then ultimately, it lights us from within and gets us going.

We all need new starts ’cause every once a while, we get stuck and that is quite common. Yet it’s the process of “getting unstuck” that makes us who we are, or rather that determines us what kind of person we are or will be.

Why am I rambling on about this ?

From what I have seen over the past two weeks is that, in trying times it’s so easy to fall back and to quote, “let fate take its course. There’s nothing that I can do about it any more.” 

Honestly, it’s pretty easy to come to such a conclusion, for nothing is our doing. It’s all a pre-destined course of events. Right ?!

But in reality, is it so ? If we do so purely believe in fate and its course, then why even try doing anything ? Are we trying to hide our fears in fate ? Is destiny just a cover for our misgivings and fear to try again? Or are we just sitting back dazed and giving up, when we haven’t even tried? Is that known as fate ?!! We might as well do the puppet show of basic living and then walk off. Then what’s the difference in being human. Where is the fire and where is the spark of life.

By believing in something and going for it, is what our very existence demands of us. Yes, fate does take its “due” course but that doesn’t mean that we just sit back and let it take its course. In that case, there would be no progress at all. There would be nothing to look forward to in life.

We need to find a way between fate and our dreams and somewhere the two roads will meet. No matter how parallel the roads may be, there’s always a way around it. We just have to make up our mind and heart, and in the process of finding our dreams; may be fate would step in, to either lend a hand or to stay in the shadows. 

So once decision taken this Easter, is to hope and to believe in oneself. Fate does have a role to play in life but it doesn’t necessarily define us or our days on the journey. It helps us make the tough decisions but to find a fresh start depends on us and is our sole responsibility.

Meanwhile, Happy Easter !! May this year be one of love, peace, joy, happiness, grace, salvation and hope.

To rise up…

With the change of season, it’s a sin to confine myself indoors. Which is why, I have decided to quit the gym and instead go for the traditional long walks. The only rueful part, is getting up in the early hours of the morning but as they always say, ‘It’s just the start that needs the push…”

Basically at this point, on re-examining “my crisis” ( It’s a long story..but someday I’ll write about it, for now fingers-crossed !!); I have realized I’m in the middle of nowhere. It has two fronts, the professional one and the personal one. Though both have been driving me nuts, it’s the former which has irked me real bad. So setting aside the facts, midst all that red-tape and bureaucracy; I’m going to carry on as if nothing had happened. As said, “Ignorance is bliss…’

On the personal front, I can definitely say that I’m moving on. And while in the process of self-discovery there is one thing that is real difficult.

Chasing away the doubts.

Saying goodbye to the fears.

It’s so easy for anyone to say, don’t worry. But the nagging still lingers and then in the middle of doing something, one often wonders how long will this go on ? Needless to say, may be there is no point in worrying but then again, it’s not easy to erase those thoughts. Maybe time will help.

Only time can help. To fade the obvious into oblivion.

And to rise up and break free of the chains of fear, doubts and worries.

And then to finally fly.

In the process of getting back…

Over the past week, there were couple of things I had learnt from introspection and the words of wisdom emailed over; but the most important thing was to find myself. Or simply put, to get back on track !!

Yes I am still waiting for the outcome, but meanwhile I’m really tired of waking up and dreading each day. So I figured that it was time to get creative and so started with…

“My experiments in the kitchen”… Now why should I miss a chance to have fun with chocolate !! Though so far my progress has been limited to just finishing off the cookie batter, I must say that my evening turned out to be pretty good yesterday. Minus my on-call days, I guess the kitchen is a good enough place to have some fun..

Next on the “to-do” list is to get back on track with my reading and writing. Not just the blogging bit but the entire set of novels and blogs, that I have not been reading for a while…. Or maybe play with the colours and paint my bedroom a riot of shades…. Or just laze around the day watching the good ol’ movies and mindless snacking ( and grow real huge, nah maybe I have to cross that one out !!)…Or just long walks and sit in solitude..though I have been doing that for the past one week…

To be honest, I haven’t really figured out a plan to find myself; but one thing that I do know is that I have to start soon…

Maybe what I really have to do is to resist the urge to feel like you’re the only one going through this.

As said in the “In Invisible Man”, Ralph Ellison summed this up well: All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.

And maybe it goes beyond finding some meaning in life; maybe it has something to do with making a meaning out of life…

And I hope that, I would soon find my way back on the road…